Product rant part 4: The Rage of the Coffee Makers

May 14, 2009 at 7:34 pm (Product review, Rant)

Don't say I didn't warn you.

 

I hate everything that is made partially or entirely of cheap plastic (Except little plastic toys from Japan that make noises, those are awesome!).

It’s unavoidable, every time I see something made out of plastic I tell to myself “It’s going to break in the hands of the poor sap who’s going to buy it.” or “It’s probably already broken and they put a box over it just to hide what they did.” and in some few cases “Fuck it, there’s nothing else but plastic models of that item and I need to buy one.” but in most cases I just go with “FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…” thank god for inner monologues, very useful when you need to go shopping.

I wanted some automatic drip coffee makers that would be entirely made out of stainless steel, chrome plated or something similar but, since we’re probably not in the future yet, I had to settle for a cheap plastic machine instead. I payed over $60 for it too because a high price obviously means high quality and also because it was the cheapest one in the store I was in. I love the smell of frugality in the morning.

I bet that by now you predicted that something went wrong with my new coffee machine and now you’re feeling the urge to laugh at me in the comment section and probably suggest me to buy a stove top percolator instead or something similar. Well…

And now you are probably thinking to say something in the line of “That was not Very original of you.” with a little touch of sarcasm. I got this for you…

Sorry, got a little bit carried away here.

From the moment I set eyes on it, I knew it was going to break despite the fact that the only clue I had was the plastic that was used to create it; The cheap kind of plastic. What I didn’t know was “how” and “when” this marvel would give up on me… so I shamefully purchased the device against my will (There was a time when I could live without coffee… good days).

Presenting the Black & Decker DCM3200B.

It was working fine for 6 months straight making it the best coffee maker I have ever purchased so far! Today, it’s suffering from urinary incontinence and releases some of it’s liquids while brewing my coffee. I know what you’re thinking but I won’t do it… Seriously guys, I can’t put a diaper on my coffee machine since there are risks of overheating now. If it starts crapping coffee beans on my kitchen counter I will just get rid of it… just don’t tell our robot overlord after he’s done enslaving the human race.

I don’t think that winning the lottery will change my situation since the people making those products are making way more money when we just need to go buy the same things over and over again.

Leave a Comment

The inevitable future of video games

July 24, 2008 at 11:21 pm (Rant, Thoughts, Video games)
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

***Stone age ( 1950-1969 )***

-Cathode-Ray Tube era
This is where it all began. Someone saw potential in some device that could project light on a screen. A man created a game called “OXO” it was a tic-tac-toe game. The very first game ever created. Shortly after came “Tenis for two”.

-Nerd era
Then came more complex machines  like the PDP-1 and the games “Spacewar” and “Space travel” were created.

***Bronze age ( 1970-1979 )***

-Arcade era
The first coin-operated arcade make first contact with gamers.

-Clone era
From this day on, all new games created will be duplicated for other computers or console sometimes even modified from their original version.

-Minicomputers era
Computers becomes more and more popular and the people take interest in game developement for the first time. Games like “Hunt the Wumpus”, “Maze War”, “Spasim” and “Zork” are created.

-Home computers era
Apple, Commodore and Tandy launch their first home computer for everyone to buy.

-First consoles era
The first console ever created Pong becomes an instant success.

***Iron age ( 1980-1989 )***

-First elite war
With all the games cloned and duplicated it was hard to make a profit in the gaming industry. Many company linked to the gaming world goes bankruopt.

-Second consoles era
The Atari 2600, Intellivision, ColecoVision are invented giving birth to many gamers around the world.

-Birth of the handhelds revolution
In 1980 – Nintendo launch the first handheld ever. The Nintendo’s Game & Watch. Little did they knew that they had started the downfall of all non-handheld computing device.

-Beginning of the dark ages
The saddest day in the history of gaming was the 19 august of 1982 when atari decided to make a game based of the movie E.T. Many gamers decided to do something else with their time that day. The events that led to the creation of this game eventually caused the video game crash of 1983.

-Third consoles era
That same year something happened in Japan, the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) was invented. Two years later the Sega Master System and Atari 7800 made their apparition.

***Golden age ( 1990-1999 )***

-rise of the machines
Starting from 1990 computer game developers started lunching a series on nuke to destroy consoles video games everywhere.
*Wolfenstein 3D – first popular FPS
*Dune II – First popular RTS
*Alone in the Dark – Fist popular survival horror game
*SimCity – first popular Sim game
*Street Fighter – First popular Fighting game
 
-First handhelds rebel movements
Nintendo decided to strike back with the “Nintendo Game Boy” fellowed by Atari with the “Atari Lynx” and “Sega with the “Sega Game Gear”. The computer game industry learn the true meaning of fear and make a cease fire agreement with the console game industry “We wont make anything new if you cease releasing new handhelds.”

-Fourth consoles era
Victorious the consoles continue their fight for suprimacy and create the Sega Mega Drive/Sega Genesis and Super NES/Super Famicom and many others that nobody actually care about.

-Fifth consoles era
The console war start to gets ugly with the creation of the Atari Jaguar, Sega Saturn, Sony PlayStation, Nintendo 64. Sega, having tried too hard to defeat his opponents by creating a bunch of consoles that nobody really wanted, is left exhausted on the battle field and was left for dead. Atari, having put a decent fight finally surrender.

***Mechanical age ( 2000-2009 )***

-Sixth consoles era
Sega makes a comeback with the Sega Dreamcast but the Sony PlayStation 2, Nintendo GameCube and Microsoft Xbox wound him so badly that he will never be able to compete ever again… unless maybe a miracle.

-Seventh consoles era
The war rages on and the Xbox 360 gets mauled by PlayStation 3 and the Wii. By the end of 2009 it is obvious that the Xbox has lost.

-Handhelds fight for supremacy 
Mainwhile nintendo and sony break the cease fire agreement with the computer game industry and create the Nintendo DS and the PSP. War was declared.

***Oversaturated dystopian age ( Future )***

Game over.

3 Comments

Product rant part 3: Tweeze by Emjoi

July 20, 2008 at 5:56 pm (Product review, Rant)
Tags: , , ,

It took some time to gather my ranting strength for this post. The level of rage for this one was so elevated I had to take some vacations without notice just to calm down. Sorry about that.

This is the weapon of the crime.

I had an argument with the Loch Ness Monster the wife last month about this device. Long story short; She told me she wanted it, I told her it was crap, she told me she wanted it anyway, I insisted that it was crap, she replied “It works with electricity so it’s just like some electric epilation (electrolysis) portable device of some sort!”, I tried to explain to her that it was just a mechanical tweezer and that it will probably cause bodily harm if she would use it but she give me that evil look and told me that if I dont buy her this product I would be the one who would have to deal with bodily harm… so I went on the internet to buy one.

When we finally got it in the mail, it was the most magical moment ever ( For me anyway because I knew I was right about this product all along ), she took it out of the box and tried it for the first time in an effort to prove me wrong. The loud scream of pain indicated that this would also be the last time she would ever use it. I used it on the back of my hand and it’s exactly the same as with a normal tweezer… just a lot more faster and a lot more painfull. It’s just a mechanical tweezer like I was suspecting, no electrolysis, the hair grow back and it’s hard to catch all the hairs ( I tried writing my name on the back of my arm but failled miserably… thank God I can tolerate pain easily ).

Dont waste your money on this product if you dont want to finance this sort of individual.

Note: Picture may not represent the actual CEO of Emjoi.

1 Comment

Product rant part 2: Say cheese… Ok, now say it in 3D and like you mean it!

March 21, 2008 at 2:55 am (Product review, Rant, Weird)

I would be actually afraid to steal someone’s soul with this device.

http://www.ubergizmo.com/15/archives/2008/03/3d_world_120_trilens_stereo_camera.html

I really want to know how much this beast cost because I have been searching for a digital camera for more then a decade now. If it cost less then 1000$ I may actually get one… not sure why because I dont even know what it “can” and “can’t” do but with three lenses you can’t go wrong. Must be perfect to take pictures of high quality… not the blury stuff I usually end up with.

Hope I wont end up with my thumb in front of all three lenses too often.

Leave a Comment

Not a drunkard… how come?

January 26, 2008 at 6:42 pm (Humor, Life, Rant)

 

I had to try it a second time… Lush ( 72% ) was just unbearable.

Think you can do better… for your sake i hope not.

http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/booze

Leave a Comment

Product rant part 1: My new cell phone

May 16, 2007 at 9:21 am (Product review, Rant)

So I bought a new cell phone yesterday. Was supposed to cost me 250$ but instead it almost cost me 400$ because I took the kit with the fake leather case and the 256 MB memory card… long story short I almost payed 50$ in taxes and im still wondering where the money go?

This phone had some serious review on the internet but I have to say, probably because i’m easily disapointed, that this phone is far from perfect.

My old mobile phone was perfect ( Beside the fact that it’s dead after 6 years of service ). No blinding screen, good battery that could last over 6 hours, easy access to the dial up buttons and decent size. It was a practical phone and I miss it already.

Of course, it would be odd to buy a cell phone like this today because the newer phones offer so much more… like games… music… ringtones… pictures and videos…

All the cell phone games suck. I had one free game with my cell phone and I was bored playing with that 3D feed the snake game exactly 60 seconds after I started playing it. So I purchased some other games… most of them dont even have music while you play. Why can’t they do games like Bible fight, Grow RPG, Winterbells or Python?

http://www.adultswim.com/games/biblefight/

http://www.eyezmaze.com/eyezblog_en/blog/2005/07/grow_rpg.html#monster

http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/bells.htm

http://www.markfennell.com/flash/snake/

( Sure, they can’t do games exactly like those but they can make good games instead of those abomination. )

My cell phone provider, Telus, is great when it comes to making calls… but their online web browsing is “Fucking dog shit” ( Pardon my James Rolfeness ). I tried to purchase a song to test the device and I can’t even find the songs I love when I enter the name of the song in the search engine. All they have is a list of preselected songs that I never heard of or dont want to listen to.

Ringtones are annoying. Need I say more?

Pictures and videos are great, probably the only real reason why I went for a mobile phone like this instead of some older model. You can easily take pictures and make videos with these new handheld… but you need proper lightning or else your pictures and videos wont even be viewable… and even with a good light source everything just look grainy. If you buy a cell phone thinking that it will replace all your cameras and fulfill all your visual needs… yeah, you’re wrong.

Actually I do like this phone… because I can impress everyone around me with some trivial stuff.

By the way, it’s raining in shanghai.

Edit: Not even 1 year after I purchased this cell phone and it’s the second time it breaks. I try to turn it on but the loading screen just never load… No, I never dropped it, never mistreated it and I even tried making peace with it ( Downloaded the cell phone game “Frogger Evolution” and had a blast going through all the 8 levels ) but this is the last draw for me.

6 Comments

Conspiracy rant part 1: This is what hot steel looks like

April 3, 2007 at 2:21 am (Conspiracy, Life, Politics, Rant, Thoughts)

Fire can melt metal if all the conditions are met. Have you noticed the furnace in this video? Have you noticed the size of the metal rod and how long it took to bend? Have you noticed how the metal rod still had a distinct shape after being toasted? Now ask yourself, what does it take to melt beams like those that used to be in the World Trade Center?

Rosie O’Donnell spoke about the conspiracy theory on 9/11 about building 7 that, despite the fact that no plane had hit this building, collapsed on itself just because of a fire… and she’s right about this, first time it ever happened… but that’s beside the point. The fact that the world trade center has been destroyed by terrorists or by Bush himself is irrelevant, what matters the most is “why did it happened?” The news didn’t talked a lot about that but 9/11 happened for a reason, it’s not just because of the Afghans ( It takes two to start a fight ) so what happened? From the little that I could find it apparently all happened because there was a US millitary occupation going on in some part of the middle east because of the undying conflict in this part of the world and the peoples there got angry ( Would you be angry if I sent a group of armed men camping in your backyard? I hope so ) but why did Bush sent millitary forces into Afghanistan before 9/11? To help… yeah… right! Did 9/11 caused anything beside the death of 2,750 people? Few of you know that it was all it took to start the war on terror and the war on terror just happen to be the war on the people around the oil…

So from one hand you have the terrorists who wants to defend their territory ( probably because of all the oil there ) and on the other hand you have Bush who presumably plotted the whole thing to get his hand on the oil… why is everyone interested in that damned oil?

MONEY!

Capitalism ( yes that’s your system ) has failled society and resemble more and more like imperialism and the result of all this can be best described as an ocean of lies. Wake up, whatever made you think that paper was so valuable? You buy things that was made by people who have no interest in making those objects, with the knowledge that it’s going to break on purpose after a while so that you will have to buy it once more knowing that they could have build it to last for your lifetime at half the price they charge and you dont even react… how pathetic is that?

It’s time to move on and evolve a little, think things through and make a new start. You think I’m the only one with ideas like this… wrong again Sherlock.

 

It’s time to give back to Caesar what belong to Caesar.

6 Comments

Humanitarian rant part 1: The blank rant of impending doom!

March 18, 2007 at 12:20 am (Life, Nature, Politics, Pollution, Rant, Thoughts)

Eletric cars ftw.

I dont understand why my father is so interested in hybrid cars. If it still runs on gasoline then what’s the difference? Sure you pollute less but you’re still polluting and it defeat the whole purpose of trying to make a difference.

Still having trouble understanding what i’m saying, try to picture this little story: You have 3 cars. The first one has a gasoline engine, the second one is hybrid and the third one has an electric engine. You take car number 1 for a ride and 10 km latter you have polluted for 10 buckets of greenhouse gases. You take car number 2 for a ride and 20 km latter you have polluted for 10 buckets of greenhouse gases. You take car number 3 for a ride and 10,000 km latter you’ve lost your empty bucket because it was so empty.

I dont see why it’s not more obvious to everyone else around me; electric cars are the only solutions and a total oil phase-out in every countries is the only way to save the world from greenhouse gases and pollution.

Just think about what the world could become like if we chose not to act and to ignore the consequence of our actions. 

Humans!

Sad reality… I know.

2 Comments

Mmorpg rant part 1: Run Escape

February 3, 2007 at 8:57 am (Mmorpg, Rant)

Rune Scape is the worst of all mmorpg ever created. And since nobody never take what I say for granted let me explain it to you in the meanest possible way. Yes, I am talking about an interview with myself.

Q – What is the customer target demographic of this game?
A – I would say around 0 to 99 years old because you dont really need any skill to play the game. A baby could bang the mouse on a table while the game is open and it would be enough to earn experience points and gold coins.

Q – What references did Jagex used to build the world of runescape?
A – I think those guys played Dungeon and Dragon while they were kids and used folded paper houses and trees to make their adventures more enjoyable… they most probably just scanned those inside a computer and added them to the game. The rest is just random stuff they created out of their butt.

Q – How does the game skill system works? 
A – Pure randomness. Beside the fact that you unlock new skills by leveling, levels have nothing to do with it. You could mine a coal rock for hours before obtaining some coal ore when you’re level 30 and still mine that same coal rock for hours when you’re level 75. What’s bad about this is that you get the impression that you are getting better at something by repeating the action over and over again but the truth is that levels in this game exist only for competition purpose.

Q – Does timing really matter in RuneScape?
A- The whole game is based on timing. If you started playing when the game was first launched you are a god compared to other players by now and by god I mean a total retard. There is always a way to go faster in the game and usually you do this by making the game play for you so instead of playing the game you can go take a piss or something.

Q – How much does the players enjoy playing RuneScape?
A – About as much as a junkie enjoy his crystal meth.

Q – What does the future hold for RuneScape?
A – Future and Runescape… good question. Since Jagex created all those useless skills like Firemaking, Cooking, Farming, Slayer, Hunter, Agility, Woodcutting and Construction instead of actually developing a decent gameplay experience that ressemble a massively multiplayer online role playing game or balancing the fighting so that we can have some player versus player action im thinking the game should remove all gameplay ellements and start competing with Habbo Hotel or Second life… seriously, it would make a good cross between both.

Q – How popular Runescape really is?
A – I made the math myself and look what I found…


…80% of the members ( Their forum is only accessible for those who pay ) are unhappy and only 20% are happy even tho I wonder how anyone could ever be happy playing this game… maybe it’s those who cyber in the game and are not aware that the person they just had a virtual intercourse with are of the same sex as they are since there is no girl playing… just guys with girls avatar.

Q – Thank you for your time. In closing, do you have anything to add?
A – Runescape fail.

10 Comments

Ranting is art!

February 3, 2007 at 8:54 am (Rant)

Why rant?

Big question that has only too many answers. Let’s just say that nothing is perfect but we love to see people try hard to achieve perfection and sometimes remarkable individuals get so close to perfection that you can’t help but talk about them and encourage them to keep on d… WHAT THE F$%K IS THAT S#!T OVER THERE!!!

Dont try to understand. I simply chose to rant because some people are trying too hard and “fail to fail miserably” and some others just never even try and get undeserved credits for the stupid crap they produced.

Im just here to make fun of them all for the sake of mankind.

=D 

 

And so it begins.

2 Comments