The Bad Rant

I always find the most hilarious stuff on the web and there is nowhere else that I can post this without consequence so I decided to create this section in my blog. The “WTF” award will be presented once every month with something fresh, funny and just plain politically incorrect.

I found this product review on Amazon.com on a Chiquita Bananas sale. There was other insanity out there but this one made me laugh hard. Enjoy.

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 A ripe banana is like renewed faith. It’s part of the reason that I became a born christian again. The banana is the fruit that I like the most because it has opened my eyes to a whole new world of beauty - Creationism. This fruit is a testament to the Lords creative genius. It is perfectly designed for use and consumption by the human being, and it has been an integral part of our diets since the Earth was first created over 5,000 years ago.Let us take a good, hard look at the intelligent design of the Banana. The banana was meant to be eaten. That’s why it exists. There is nothing that a banana wants more than to be gobbled down by a hungry believer. Evidence of this fact lies in the construction of the banana itself. For example, take a large, ripe banana. Notice how it is encased in a hard, rubbery substance to protect itself from harm. The banana wouldn’t want to bruise because then the children of God would have less desire to eat him. Also take note of how the rubbery substance acts as an indicator of the condition of the fruit inside. Green: too early: Yellow: just right, and Black: too late.
A more subtle testament to creation is the way that the banana is shaped. Notice how, due to curvature, the banana fits neatly into… the human hand. On the far side of the banana there are three ridges, and on the close side there are two ridges. If you get your hand ready to grip a banana you will find that on the far side there are three groves and on the close side two groves. This ‘locks’ the banana in place. A perfect accompaniment to the human hand.
Finally you will notice that there is a ‘tab’ at the top of the banana (It works the same way that a soda can would!). With this tab you can peel the soft shell of the banana off, and the contents won’t squirt in your face. Now the fruit, soft and naked, is exposed.(Notice how it was Adam and Eve who sinned, and nothing else. Things like fruit did not sin and that is why they remain ‘naked’)
Now that the fruit is exposed and ready to be eaten you will notice that the fruit glides gently into the human mouth, just like the Holy Spirit glides gently into the souls of those who accept Him. Because of the way the banana curves there is a lock-and-key fit between the fruit and the lips of a saved Christian. As a bonus, the fruit itself is very sweet, which provides Gods children with an extra incentive to indulge in it.

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See you next month with the next “WTF” Award.

I went to the hospital last week, wednesday to be more precise, the day of “Odin, the Wanderer”  to be textually acurate but that’s beside the point I guess… most of you may remember that this day was a special day for almost everyone. The kind of day that come only once a year. I can tell you that spending a day of celebretion like saint Valentine’s day at the hospital suck balls especially when you do so for no apparent reason.

Almost forgot to mention that there was a big snow storm that very same day.

I wish I could tell you that cupid assaulted me with an arrow in the chest cavity leaving me with near fatal wounds and that cupid was taken into custody by the police… I really wish I could do that.

Truth is that my girfriend ( Who has cerebral palsy and the ability of moving on 4 wheels ) had received a call from her doctor saying that her medical appointment that was on the 23 of february is being moved to wednesday the 14 of february “Today in the story” because her description of her condition was suggesting that her foot infection was worsening. I took the phone and asked “What type of treatment is she going to get?” they told me not to worry and that everything was ready for her at the hospital and that they were waiting for her to start the treatment.

So we call the adapted transport to get there “asap” and went into the snow storm to get to the hospital. To my surprise, we didn’t waited long to see my girlfriend’s doctor but what happened next really brought my piss to a boil. The doctor examine the foot of my girlfriend and notice what we already knew “It’s infected” I almost went “Well duh!” because her foot was almost the size of a newborn’s head, with all the roundness that this imply, and I was under the impression that something would be done about it today because of all the rush… but no. Since it was too late in the afternoon ( 16H ) all the anesthetist were already gone. So I ask “Then why did you made us come here today?” and the doctor said “So that we can start her treatment” so she calls in a nurse and tell her what type of pharmaceutical product she would need for the night, gave us another medical appointment for the next day and went home. All this for just one prescription… why not just call a pharmacy so that we can go there to get what we need? It would have been a lot easier. I was trying to repress the pain form the boiling urine inside my bladder and it was not so bad… for the first hour, at the second hour I was starting to have cramps, at the third hour my internal organs were disolving and at the fourth hour it exploded. There was piss everywhere and I was pissed.

I decided to leave because it was absurd, there was no excuse as to why it was taking so long. The nurse stops me from leaving and say that the medicine was on it’s way and then explained that it was taking so long because there was just one pharmacy inside the hospital serving 200 peoples. So I thought for a moment and said “You mean your pharmacy is attending 200 patients at all times?” she was litteraly stuttering and went all crazy on me and said that I was being impolite while raising her voice.

O_o

So she change subject “If you want to leave you need to sign a refusal of treatment document”… I litteraly yelled “Im not refusing the treatment your just playing us for fools by not brigning us pills that we could very well take ourselves in a matter of seconds if we had the permission” at that time I noticed that I was in the waiting room of the emergency and everybody was looking at me. The security guard was comming at me but just stopped right there when most peoples in the room just started applauding and cheering at me.

 T’was my moment.

The nurse brought us the single pill that my girlfriend needed and we just went home.

This event made me think really hard about what the real trouble of those hospitals was. It’s not the doctors, the nurses, how much the people who work there get payed or how much we would have to spend if those services were not free ( In canada it’s payed with our taxes so we dont have to pay anything even if we dont work )… the real trouble is the Pharmaceutical Product Development “PPD”.

Thik about it, we pay taxes so that the doctors can cure and heal us all, the doctors need pills or other pharmaceutical products most of the time to cure and heal us, the pharmacists make a lot of money from every patients who needs their pills but when a patient dont need his or her pills anymore they dont make anymore money from that person. Thus the need for what I call “Half cure medicine” aka what they gaved to my girlfriend that day and every other day ever since.

I can hear you say “But Aramax, it’s been only 10 days since the treatment started!” and to that I say “It’s been 10 days this year. The treatment really started 4 years ago and all they inject her with is NACL ( Salt watter ) payed by canadian tax payers” there is about 4 grams of real medecine inside those pouch of liquid, they’re worth 20$ each and she get injected with them twice everyday for about 2 month every year.

That’s a lot of money… if I had to pay for all that medicine I would certainly be in financial trouble! Thank god we have this system… but just one simple question… where does all that money go? Into the pocket of the PPDI ( Pharmaceutical Product Development Industry ) of course… but then what motivates those peoples to create real cure for the peoples and not “Half cure medicine” like I mentioned.

The answer is “Nothing!”

Do you feel like cash cows now?

Edit: Today is June 9 and my girlfriend is already complaining of pain in her foot… the injection failled to cure her and the disease is still there. Now to answer some of the questions people asked me.

What’s causing her foot to inflate so much?

Cellulitis.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cellulitis

Why not show a picture of her foot?

1: It’s really not pretty to see.

2: She dont feel confortable with strangers watching her foot… what about you?

3: The internet can be a cruel place and life is cruel enough with her already.

I talked to her about this and a picture will be added to the fellowup of this rant because…

1: It’s even less pretty then before.

2: She’s not feeling confortable with having the foot attached to her body anymore.

3: Negative publicity = publicity. You can say whatever you want about her condition it’s not like we’re going to end up selling t-shirts about this story… or are we?

What caused her feet to inflate like that?

Some bacteria apparently infiltrated the skin of her foot and violated her epidermia but what really made things turn ugly is when that bitch who lives in our appartment closed the main door on her causing the footplate to crush her foot upward. No major injury, no bones broken but there was internal bleeding according to the paramedic.

If you have any other relevant questions you can ask them in the comments, I will be happy to add them to this rant.

Rune Scape is the worst of all mmorpg ever created. And since nobody never take what I say for granted let me explain it to you in the meanest possible way. Yes, I am talking about an interview with myself.

Q - What is the customer target demographic of this game?
A - I would say around 0 to 99 years old because you dont really need any skill to play the game. A baby could bang the mouse on a table while the game is open and it would be enough to earn experience points and gold coins.

Q - What references did Jagex used to build the world of runescape?
A - I think those guys played Dungeon and Dragon while they were kids and used folded paper houses and trees to make their adventures more enjoyable… they most probably just scanned those inside a computer and added them to the game. The rest is just random stuff they created out of their butt.

Q - How does the game skill system works? 
A - Pure randomness. Beside the fact that you unlock new skills by leveling, levels have nothing to do with it. You could mine a coal rock for hours before obtaining some coal ore when you’re level 30 and still mine that same coal rock for hours when you’re level 75. What’s bad about this is that you get the impression that you are getting better at something by repeating the action over and over again but the truth is that levels in this game exist only for competition purpose.

Q - Does timing really matter in RuneScape?
A- The whole game is based on timing. If you started playing when the game was first launched you are a god compared to other players by now and by god I mean a total retard. There is always a way to go faster in the game and usually you do this by making the game play for you so instead of playing the game you can go take a piss or something.

Q - How much does the players enjoy playing RuneScape?
A - About as much as a junkie enjoy his crystal meth.

Q - What does the future hold for RuneScape?
A - Future and Runescape… good question. Since Jagex created all those useless skills like Firemaking, Cooking, Farming, Slayer, Hunter, Agility, Woodcutting and Construction instead of actually developing a decent gameplay experience that ressemble a massively multiplayer online role playing game or balancing the fighting so that we can have some player versus player action im thinking the game should remove all gameplay ellements and start competing with Habbo Hotel or Second life… seriously, it would make a good cross between both.

Q - How popular Runescape really is?
A - I made the math myself and look what I found…

…80% of the members ( Their forum is only accessible for those who pay ) are unhappy and only 20% are happy even tho I wonder how anyone could ever be happy playing this game… maybe it’s those who cyber in the game and are not aware that the person they just had a virtual intercourse with are of the same sex as they are since there is no girl playing… just guys with girls avatar.

Q - Thank you for your time. In closing, do you have anything to add?
A - Runescape fail.

Why rant?

Big question that has only too many answers. Let’s just say that nothing is perfect but we love to see people try hard to achieve perfection and sometimes remarkable individuals get so close to perfection that you can’t help but talk about them and encourage them to keep on d… WHAT THE F$%K IS THAT S#!T OVER THERE!!!

Dont try to understand. I simply chose to rant because some people are trying too hard and “fail to fail miserably” and some others just never even try and get undeserved credits for the stupid crap they produced.

Im just here to make fun of them all for the sake of mankind.

=D 

And so it begins.